June

June 1st. Two rides in May. One in April. It's been an appalling stretch off the bike. And yet. 

And yet June arrives, and summer yawns ahead. Nothing guaranteed. Team Shad has imploded, shattered to pieces, splintered across the universe. In truth, we have simply dissipated, been absorbed into the greater Ether Sphere of solitary endeavor. 

Just like that, the cohesion of focus has gone missing. Now, there is only the existential question of why one does what one does.

I, Dubstoevsky, make no pretense of being able to answer that koan. I, like everyone else, am simply flailing away on the meat wheel of life, uninformed, un-mollified, and making it up as I go along.

June 1, 2017 Cherry Valley, MA

Sure, the Caviar Sponsorship never worked out, the suitcases of cash never arrived, the 'royal treatment' has new meaning, and Team Shad is now a footnote in the mesmerizing text that is Small 'Big Time' Time Cycling.

Fuck it. Days like today (June 1st) occur after weeks of Armageddon and cloud cover.

But there are other things that happen as well, other catastrophes and failings. We are mortal, and small, and at the mercy of circumstance. We profess confidence but we're really wondering what the fuck is happening, and why the fuck is it happening NOW. And there are no answers. 

For Dubstoevsky, there is the bike, the road, the world.

Approaching Amsterdam, from the bow of the Koningsdam
Sunday, May 21, 2017